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| Man i'm sick of this shit doggie.
Everything's just so much easier when emotions aren't involved. | | |
| yoooo prom weekend was off the fuckin chain! But now I really really need to go pass out or something... I spent like 5 or 6 hours of this weekend sober hahahah.
"what the fuck?!?!?!?"
"FREEZUH!!! L.A.P.DUHHHHHH"
"GET EM UP GET EM UP"
"I immediately regret this decision"
"It's soooo hot. Milk was a bad choice" | | |
| I've found myself rather disillusioned by things lately. Of course, I seem to get into these random funks from time to time, so hopefully i'll snap out of it.
Today I have decided that emotions suck. Plain and simple. Especially the emotion of "love," or I supposed "like" would be more pertinent. Every time that happens with me, I end up becoming somewhat depressed. I don't get it. Therefore, emotions suck.
Simple, no?
In my mind, I know i'm only seeing the trees and not the forest (yay stupid metaphorical sayings!), but sometimes i'm just not strong enough to see past it. Shit happens, no? I suppose everyone is prone to acting like a dumb immature teenager sometimes. Hell, that's what i'm supposed to be, so I suppose it makes sense. But yeah... if at anytime there's someone I can't really get off my mind, it ends up sucking for me. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite of that? Like seriously, "love" is supposed to be one of the most amazing feelings in the world. And the funny thing is I KNOW that. I know the love I have for my friends, my family, my life, things I like, etc. etc. And yet, the opposite gender always gets my heart and mind discombobulated (did I spell that right? Who gives a shit.)
Fuck "like"
And here I am, reduced to listening to Brian McKnight (I love Brian McKnight), and bemoaning my tragic teenaged fate on Xanga, which is something I usually hold a degree of contempt for. I guess everyone needs to let it out once in a while. I dunno man, I guess that's one of the reasons i've been repressing that kinda stuff for a while.
Life is complex, suck it up you bastard.
The funny thing is you never see it coming either. You're just living your life happily, then *bam* it hits you like a freight train. You're completely blindsided by emotions, so the logical part of your brain has no time to recover or compensate. Thus, one is (grammar shift, I don't care) turned into a weak little bitch like i'm being right now. I dunno. aweipojwe;ijwae;ljasd;glja;sldgjalsk. This shit is frustrating. For rizzle.
I suppose my upbringing somewhat reflects my tendencies towards my current attitude. I've never truly been one for showing all my emotions-- like I said before, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Which is why I sit on my computer, behind my comfortable little internet facade, pouring my heart out onto my keyboard into my stupid little internet journal.
That kinda brings up another thing I was thinking about. As hypocritical as it sounds, since I use it quite frequently, I hate AIM. I feel it's reduced conversational abilities so much, since you're able to have little lapses in conversation you can blame on "oh sorry I was away." Face to face conversation, or even a phone call is so much more satisfying and gratifying. Yet in our age of technology, many of us have lost sight of that. It's not all about expedient means of communication-- that's not the point at all of communication, especially a conversation amongst friends or acquaintences. BLAH
And thus ends my pointless bemoaning of my life for today. I'm sure tomorrow i'll feel much better and call myself a dumbass for writing this entry. WHATEVER MANG.
Summary:
Love sucks
AIM sucks
I'm pretty bitter | | |
| I guess I should add all state results now
1st bari in symphonic band
1st alternate on tenor (fuck that shit)
I <3 flu before and during auditions whoo.
At least I made it =) | | |
| ...well at least I got into a college. I don't particularly wanna go to Rutgers though, we'll see. | | |
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